I just got back from my 13th Transformational Gate….    Wow….    How do you even begin to put into words how incredible these weekends are?  The way that they work is so mysterious and magical. First, let me fill you in a bit on the journey I have been on.  Right after the father of my daughter and I split up (over 9 years ago), I began having symptoms that I never had before. My skin, which was always so clear, began to break out and my digestion started having issues.  I initially was completely focused on getting rid of these symptoms as I could absolutely not accept them.  I tried every herb, diet, ceremony, healing modality and mantra out there and  was hoping that all of these things were going to fix me.  I quickly realized that I was living in the Season Of Discover, which involves suffering, blame and being stuck.  So, for the next years I vowed to take my power back and do whatever it took to use my symptoms as a guide in my life, and to motivate me to make the changes that I really needed to make.  After all, this is what I teach all of you- that symptoms always means that we need to make a shift or change in some way to move to the next level of amazingness in our lives.  Over these years I have made leaps and bounds in my life.  I am such a healthier, happier woman who is more connected and excited about life then ever before.  I have the practice of my dreams, an incredible relationship with my daughter, a beautiful home, an amazing community of friends and family, and am standing strong on my own, knowing for the first time in my life that I will not settle for anything less than an extraordinary relationship with whomever my life partner may be. And throughout the years my symptoms have gotten worse at times and better at times. But I was aware that when they flared up I was being asked to yet again make a different choice in some area of my life that would better support me in being who I am here to be. So it is the week before the Gate and my symptoms are almost all gone. I was feeling so grateful for all the lessons and wisdom of these symptoms that helped me get to this place of peace.  And then out of nowhere, the day of the Gate….BOOM!  All my symptoms reappeared.  And I’m thinking “OK God, what now? Haven’t I done enough already?”  All of this fear, self doubt and self judgement was up and here I was again, in absolute suffering.  I felt completely unlovable and invisible and here I was at the Gate with my teacher and colleages and wanted to be my best, most bright self.  At the Gate, the tables are set up in a big circle and there are about 10 practitioners entraining 4 or 5 people at a time- so that is around 50 people being entrained at once.  And my teacher and the founder of the work, Donny, is moving around the room and entraining people when he feels called to do so.  The field of energy that this creates is truly incredible.  People are crying, laughing, screaming, writhing in ecstasy and feeling the deepest depths of their suffering.  Anything goes and all is welcome.  Participants receive 6 entrainments throughout the weekend, and in between entrainments there are SRI classes.  So, I am on the table of one of my favorite chiropractors and mentors, Judy, for my second entrainment, and I am telling her how I am having a hard time and don’t know what to do, when she looks at me and says “Erin, you are being called to wake up.  These symptoms are teaching you that it is time to stop moving from ego and start moving from soul, and they will persist until you can fully accept them and yourself exactly as you are.  Stop trying to do something about it.”  It was huge.  Over the next hours I really thought about this and realized that in my life I created a story that I had to be beautiful to receive love, and that if my physical form was less than perfect I would be alone.  I had been so scared to fully accept my symptoms because I equated that with isolation.  Another deeper layer of the wisdom of the symptoms was surfacing, and I was getting clear that my life now needs to be about knowing myself more as an embodied soul then a physical body. Of course I have talked about this concept and have played with the idea of it, but know I know with absolute certainty that it is time to live it.   I am being called to love and accept myself  radically, symptoms and all.  And to let my soul light shine no matter what, because the planet deserves that…. I deserve that.  So I decide to go see Judy again for the last entrainment, and as I am patiently waiting for her to come over to me, Donny steps in and says “May I have this last dance?”.  Yes, please, Yes.  And he gives me an entrainment like never before and I am crying and laughing at the same time, my whole body filled with white light and I feel the immense gratitude for this life and all the challenges and all the beauty, and know without a shadow of a doubt that I am love and am connected to the whole universe. What a beautiful thing… and I enjoyed this state of amazing grace for a whole 2 hours until the next layer of suffering came up.  Ah, to be human….  It is a hard, painful, effortless, beautiful, dark, colorful, connected, light, joyful, sad and divine existence that is at this present moment all ok with me.  I know myself better after this weekend and the path ahead is more illuminated and clear than ever before.  I am grateful.